Baby Twins to Bind Them (Mills & Boon Medical) Read online

  She heard the bitterness in his voice and now she could understand it. ‘What?’

  ‘I was feeling pretty awful at the time. Seriously awful. I wanted some time to get my head around it. I wanted to process the knowledge that I couldn’t have children. In hindsight we’d had it really good till that point. We’d never had to deal with anything major. And when we did, I found out that I didn’t like the way Annie dealt with the difficult things that life flings at us at times. She made it all about her, not even about us. It was all about Annie. I tried to understand where she was coming from, yet she never did that for me. I think I fell out of love. If I was ever properly in love in the first place...’ he mused. ‘So, yes, while I’ve always thought that it was infertility that broke us up, I don’t think it’s that neat.’

  He loved it that she was still there. She hadn’t even jolted when he’d told her. Maybe because they were temporary, Steele pondered. Maybe because she wasn’t worried about his ability to make babies, but it was nice to have said it and to have got such a calm reaction.

  ‘Was she blonde?’ Candy asked, and it made him smile.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Tall and leggy?’

  ‘Go to sleep.’ He was really smiling now as he kissed the top of her head.

  ‘Can I ask another thing?’ she said sleepily.

  ‘You can.’

  ‘Why are we using condoms?’

  ‘Because I always have.’

  ‘So have I.’ She gave him a little nudge and Steele lay there smiling at the potential reward for his little confession. ‘Well, they do say that every cloud has a silver lining.’

  Candy didn’t answer.

  She was fast asleep.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CANDY HAD NEVER slept better than she did when Steele was beside her. His breathing, his heartbeat, the way he held her through the night were like a delicious white noise that blocked out everything else other than them. They wrapped themselves around each other, then unwrapped themselves when they got too hot and then when they got too cold found the other again. It was a seamless dance that lasted a full ten hours and had them on a slow sultry simmer that, by morning, started to rise to boiling point.

  Candy awoke slowly, face down on the pillow and with her arms over her head. Steele’s arm lay over her waist. The scent in her nostrils was Steele and as she started to wake up she remembered what they had been talking about before she’d fallen asleep. She knew it wasn’t something that he’d discussed with others and the privilege of him confiding in her gave her a warm feeling. She loved it that he’d told her. She loved lying in bed next to him and feeling him start to wake up. She loved every minute of her time with him.

  She felt his hand roam her spine. Steele’s slow, lazy explorations made her melt into the mattress. It was as if each vertebra, right down to the lowest, was an individual treasure worth examining. His hand moved up her back and then to the exposed flesh on her side. Her rib cage received a significantly slower perusal, and his fingers found the softness of her flattened breast. She wanted to lift herself up to let his hand in but he rolled heavily onto her. His mouth buried beneath her hair, reaching for her neck, and then kissed his way to her ear.

  ‘You do talk in your sleep.’ His lovely voice greeted her ear and was just as effective in turning her on as his hands.

  ‘Don’t believe a word I say.’ Candy smiled as he whispered to her the rude things that she hadn’t said.

  ‘How are you feeling now?’ he asked, because it had been a very long sleep after all.

  ‘Better than I ever have,’ she admitted. ‘I never want to move.’

  ‘Then don’t.’

  There was a thrill low in her belly and Candy, who had never, till Steele, had morning sex, was fast becoming a fan as, still face down on the pillow, she felt Steele’s delicious weight come fully on top of her.

  Temptation beckoned as she parted her legs just a little, closing her eyes as his fingers checked that she was ready, which of course she was. Clearly last night’s conversation was still on his mind because there was no pause in proceedings to reach for a condom and put it on. Instead, she felt his naked warmth nudging her.

  He entered her slowly and Candy let out a moan and so too did Steele, because to feel her wet warmth along his length was intimate, way more intimate than he had been in a very long time.

  His mouth was at her ear. ‘Cross your ankles,’ he said.

  Candy did so and she thought she might collapse with the pleasure as together they started to rock—she could feel every long generous inch of him, hear his ragged breathing. Her face was red and sweaty in the pillow, and Steele took her hand and placed it between her legs and got to work on her breasts.

  Oh!

  She’d feel guilty later, Candy decided, but he didn’t seem to mind a bit that she touched herself. They were barely moving, just rocking, his mouth was at her ear, his fingers stretching her nipples, and then his fingers slid down and took over from hers.

  ‘You’re bad for my conscience,’ she said.

  ‘No conscience needed,’ he said.

  He could go for ever like this.

  Usually.

  Her buttocks were so soft and ripe and they started to lift and press into his groin, and the soft muffled moans of pleasure had Steele tip just as she did and it was bliss to feel him come unsheathed inside her.

  ‘Oh...’ Candy lay feeling his weight on her and never wanting him gone. Even the alarm clock that was going off seemed a mile away.

  ‘Can you wake me up like that tomorrow?’ she said.

  ‘I can.’

  He rolled off and they lay, Candy still on her stomach, facing each other, and sharing a smile.

  ‘I’m going to try and swap so I can get this weekend off,’ Steele said, because she flew out the following Friday. ‘It’s not long now till you go.’

  She didn’t want to go.

  Well, she did, because she was probably going to spend the entire first week of her holiday in bed. With all these extra shifts and sex marathons she was looking forward to sleeping round the clock.

  She just wished that her holiday was scheduled for after he’d gone.

  Then she stared into his eyes and wondered who she was kidding because she knew that she was going to spend her entire holiday sobbing. Despite starting off with the best of intentions to keep things light, to simply enjoy, Candy knew she was in way over her head. Her feelings for this man were so intense, so instinctively right that she simply could not imagine how she was possibly going to begin to get over him.

  ‘Steele...’ She took a breath. She wasn’t sure if what she was about to say would sound too pushy, but she’d never held back from the truth with him and she chose not to now. ‘Why don’t you come for a few days?’

  ‘To Hawaii?’

  ‘Yes.’ Candy nodded.

  ‘I don’t want to intrude on your holiday...’

  ‘It wouldn’t be intruding. It would be nice if you came in the middle. You’ve got a long weekend coming up.’

  ‘It would be nice,’ Steele said. ‘I’d be pretty wrecked, though.’

  ‘Well, I’ll have slept for a week by the time you get there,’ Candy said. ‘I’ll have enough energy for both of us. Think about it,’ she offered, and then she climbed out of bed and grimaced when she saw the time. ‘I’m going to be late. I’ll have a quick shower and then I need to stop by my flat.’

  ‘I’ll drive you in,’ Steele said. To keep things well away from work Candy was still taking the Underground and he watched the little flash of worry flare in her eyes.

  ‘We might be seen,’ she said. ‘Steele, you’ve no idea how gossip spreads at that place.’

  ‘I’m sure I do.’ He smiled. ‘It doesn’t bother me if we’re seen, unless of course it’s a problem for you.’

  She thought about it for a moment. ‘Actually, no.’

  ‘I can have broken your heart and put you off seeing anyone for ages after I’ve gone.�
� Steele grinned, giving her an excuse to give to Gerry if he pushed her to go out with him when he returned from Greece. But then Steele met her eyes and his tone changed slightly and she, though late for work, stood there in the bedroom and felt her heartbeat quicken. ‘You could even say you were still seeing me,’ he said, and they just looked at each other.

  ‘I guess he wouldn’t know either way,’ Candy said, though something told her this conversation had little to do with excuses to give to Gerry.

  There were two, possibly three, conversations going on.

  That Steele would be gone and that Candy could say what she liked about them if it made things easier for her with Gerry.

  That he would be gone, Steele thought, and he was saying that possibly this might last longer.

  That he would be gone, Candy thought, and she didn’t want him to be.

  ‘Get ready,’ he said.

  They stopped at her flat and Candy quickly changed into jeans, which was what she usually wore for arriving at work, and rubbed some serum into her hair as she chatted to Steele.

  ‘We came back here for this?’

  ‘I can’t leave home without it,’ Candy said, trying to tame her long wild curls. ‘I should buy another bottle and leave it at yours.’

  ‘Why don’t you just pack some things now and put them in my car?’ Steele said, and she hesitated because she’d been thinking exactly the same thing. ‘It would save us dashing back and forth all the time.’

  She packed a case and they loaded it into his car and drove to work. It was all so new, so exciting that neither could help smiling.

  As they pulled into the staff car park, Louise, a midwife who had done a stint in Emergency last year, was walking past. She and Candy had got on well. Louise was blonde and gorgeous and rather pregnant and she waved to Candy and gave a little wink.

  ‘We’re public knowledge now.’ Candy smiled as she waved back, because Louise was a terrible gossip, which was surprising, considering that she was married to Anton, an obstetrician whose middle name was discretion.

  ‘I’m fine with that,’ Steele said.

  He had long ago stopped playing games and this felt nothing like a game with Candy.

  ‘We’ll keep it discreet on the ward, though,’ Candy said, because she was working on the geriatric unit today till lunchtime.

  ‘Yes,’ Steele said. ‘I just don’t want to be dropping you at another entrance and things. Come back to mine after work. I’ve got a meeting at six, though,’ he continued, ‘so I won’t be back till about eight.’

  ‘I’ll have bread waiting in the toaster for you,’ Candy said as he peeled off a key, which he had never done before. She snapped it onto her key ring as if it was no big deal.

  It was a big deal. Both knew it. It was way too soon, but in other ways it was not soon enough.

  Neither knew where this had come from or fully what it was.

  They were planning holidays, her suitcase was in his boot, his key was now in her bag and they were kissing in the front seat as if one of them had just stepped off a plane after a year’s absence. When she pulled back from his kiss, she returned to her question from before she’d fallen asleep. Candy was curious about his ex-wife and that spoke volumes in itself.

  ‘Was she tall and leggy?’ Candy smiled, watching him cringe just a little as he shook his head.

  ‘Gamine?’ Candy ventured. ‘Please say no.’

  ‘Not gamine exactly...’ Steele said, and she groaned.

  ‘Careful, Steele,’ she warned. ‘You may live to regret your next choice of words.’

  He just smiled as they got out of the car.

  There was nothing about their time together to regret.

  Just that it was running out.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ‘I’M GOING TO take off your dressing, Macey,’ Candy said. ‘Steele wants to have a look at it.’

  ‘Are you working tomorrow?’ Macey asked, because Candy only had a four-hour shift and finished at lunchtime.

  ‘I am, but I’m working down in Emergency.’

  Macey was improving. Her medications were starting to kick in and she was engaging with the staff and other patients. She was also taking her meals unaided but she was still far from the feisty woman who had arrived in Emergency.

  Steele came in just as Candy had got the dressing off. It was clearing up but it was very sloughy and still a bit smelly and as she saw it, Candy blew out.

  ‘I’m just going to get the phone,’ she said, even though it wasn’t ringing, but she felt a bit sick. ‘I won’t be long.’

  ‘I was like that,’ Macey said to Steele, ‘when I was...’ Macey quickly changed what she had been about to say mid-sentence. ‘When I was nursing.’

  ‘No, you weren’t,’ Steele said. ‘You weren’t some young pup who couldn’t stomach a bit of pus.’

  Macey looked at him.

  He knew. She was sure of it.

  Steele did know because he had seen the cape carefully held to hide Macey’s stomach in the photo in the entrance hall. He’d also done a little delving and it would seem that Matron Macey Anderson had gone to Bournemouth to recover from polio, though she’d made no reference to it when Steele had asked her for her medical history.

  Tell me, his eyes said as Macey’s own eyes filled with tears. Steele sat on the bed and took her hand. ‘Talk to me, Macey.’

  ‘When I was carrying, I was like that.’ She started to cry as a fifty-five-year-old secret was finally released and Steele let her cry. He passed her tissues from her locker, not saying a word as Macey wept.

  As Candy came in to do the dressing he briefly looked up to her. ‘I’ve got this, thanks,’ he said.

  Candy saw that Macey was upset and left them.

  When Macey stopped crying, he didn’t press her for more information; instead, he did the dressing on her leg and afterwards he sorted out the covers. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ he asked.

  ‘I’d like a sherry.’

  ‘I bet you would,’ he said. ‘I’ll be back in a moment.’

  He took away the trolley, leaving Macey alone for a little while to gather herself. He left the curtains closed around her.

  Candy was having a glass of water at the desk and he asked her for the keys to the cupboard where the sherry and things were kept and poured Macey a glass.

  ‘Is she okay?’ Candy asked.

  ‘She will be. I’m going back in to talk to her,’ Steele said. ‘Macey saw you get a bit dizzy and has got you down as pregnant. I told her you’re not and that they don’t build nurses as strong these days.’ He gave her a grim smile and then explained what was happening. ‘As it turns out, she had a baby.’

  ‘Oh...’

  ‘Macey has never told anyone until now so it’s a huge deal to her. I’m just giving her a few moments to gather herself,’ Steele said, ‘and then I’m going to go in and speak with her. Would you tell Gloria to make sure that we’re not disturbed?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘If she has any visitors...’

  ‘I’ll say that the doctor’s in with her.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  He walked back behind the curtains. Macey had stopped crying and she gave Steele a watery smile.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ she said.

  ‘Why should you be sorry?’ Steele asked, handing her the glass of sherry. ‘I’m glad that you told me. Would you like to talk about it?’ he offered.

  ‘I don’t know how to,’ Macey admitted. ‘It’s been a secret for so long.’

  ‘Not any more,’ Steele said. ‘It might help to talk about it.’

  ‘I got pregnant when I was twenty-seven,’ Macey said. ‘He was married. I was never much of a looker and I suppose I was flattered. Anyway, my parents would have been horrified. They would have said that I was old enough to know better. We’re never old enough to know better when it comes to matters of the heart, though. Instead of telling them, I confided in one of the matrons here. I thought she’d be shocked b
ut she was more than used to it and took care of things. I was sent down to Bournemouth to have him. Everyone thought that I had polio and that was the reason I was away so long. Instead, I had my son and he was handed over for adoption.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Macey,’ Steele said. ‘That must have been so painful.’

  ‘It still is.’ She nodded. ‘I was very sick when he was delivered. I did everything I could not to push because I knew that as soon as he was born he would be taken away. I passed out when he was delivered and I never got to hold him and I never even got to see him. When I came around the next day I asked if I could have just one cuddle but I was told it was better that way. It wasn’t.’

  ‘Have you ever tried to look him up or make contact?’

  ‘Never,’ she said. ‘I’ve thought about it many times but I didn’t want to mess up his life if he didn’t know he was adopted. I was told that he had gone to a very good family and that I was to get on with my life. I came back to work and threw myself into my career, but I’ve thought about him every single day since.’

  ‘And his father?’

  ‘I had nothing to do with him after that,’ Macey said. ‘We worked alongside each other for a few years afterwards. I think at first he thought he could carry on with me as before but I soon put him right. I told him to concentrate on his marriage. I’m very ashamed that I had an affair with a married man.’

  ‘Try not to be ashamed,’ Steele suggested. ‘Perhaps it would be better to view that time with remorse but do your best to leave the shame out of it.

  ‘I know you must have felt very alone at the time but I can tell you from all my years doing this job that what happened to you happened to a lot of women from your generation.’

  ‘He was married, though.’

  ‘You weren’t the first and you certainly won’t be the last person to have an affair with a married man. My guess is you’ve more than paid the price.’